Middle Of Nowhere: February 2010

       So it’s almost Valentines Day once again. What to do? What to do? I usually vacillate for a couple of days about getting my wife a card, flowers, or a big surprise and then at the last minute run around like a maniac which usually involves leafing through the last of the picked over cards for just the right Hallmark sentiment that expresses in one sentence what I am too inept to put into words after thirty five years of marriage. I’ll admit, as would most husbands if tortured, that I’ve on occasion forgotten Valentines Day. I mean, come on, after forgetting the BIG ONE (anniversary) what more damage can I do?

     I will say that over the years I’ve been pretty resourceful when confronted with the realization of “Oh my gosh. Is that today?” after the stores have all closed. The old hand made card gambit was always less than successful. My hurriedly crafted masterpiece’s didn’t have quite the same effect on her as when the kids presented her with their cute little creations. Hey, at least I colored inside the lines. I’ve even stooped so low as to rummage through the desk searching frantically to find a card that I’d given her previously. What? Like you guys have never done something close to that! I carefully glued the envelope back together so that she wouldn’t notice that it had been opened. Yes I admit it. I’m a less than perfect husband when it comes to romance.

      I tell my wife that she should write a book. “How I survived 35 years of marriage to an idiot.” It would be a best seller.